(Warning, the pain and suffering on this list is NSFW and we’d advise looking away if you are squeamish at the sight of blood as this Top 10 is not for the faint of heart)
I’ve had cuts, bruises, stitches, muscle tears and took one too many hockey pucks to… a certain unpleasant place. However, this all pales in comparison to the pain that I suffered last week when I needed two emergency root canals. Literally stuck in bed for two whole days with no sleep and all I could think about was ripping my own teeth out of my mouth, but this helped bring inspiration to this week’s Top 10. So I guess you can say thanks? Anyways, here are the Top 10 painful moments in gaming that many of our heroes/heroines have suffered over the years in which makes us happy that we aren’t part of their virtual suffering.
10 – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess – Lava Death
We will start this countdown with something a bit more… light in comparison to the rest of this list, but for a Nintendo game, they sure pulled all the stops with Link’s death when falling into a lava pit in Twilight Princess. Usually done by mistake, (or out of curiosity) Link will suffer a most gruesome death when falling into the molten rock below, screaming in agony and holding his hand out as he and burns away… only to be magically brought back to life again with half a heart container missing. We should all be so lucky.
9 – South Park: The Stick of Truth – Mister Slave
South Park is known for their over the top and disturbing moments, but I would never have imagined a more disgusting or painful way to beat an opponent. In South Park: The Stick of Truth, you can call on the help of an ally like Jesus, Mister Hanky the Christmas Poo and others to assist you, but what Mister Slave does to help players is… unconventional to say the least. After summoning the kind-hearted BDSM lover, he will go and take off his pants and use his sphincter and (sorry for a lack of a better term) devour an enemy whole causing both physical and psychological pain.(I’m also totally unashamed to say that South Park: The Stick of Truth is one of my favorite games of all time, even after this).
8 – Doom – Well Everything
Queue heavy metal guitar riff. Doom is pure hyper-violence in video game form. It has a protagonist who literally makes Hell fear him, it has an amazing heavy metal soundtrack to head bang to, demons, massive guns, (there is a gun called the BFG and it doesn’t stand for “Big Friendly Giant”) and top it all off, it has brutal violence… Everywhere. All the time. DOOMGuy can literally punch a demon’s’ skull clean off with a single swipe and that is by far the tamest thing you can do. From exploding body parts, ripping body parts, to basically everything in between, Doom is the literal embodiment of pain. “That’s pretty metal.”
7 – Grand Theft Auto V – By The Book
By far the most controversial moment on this list and maybe in all of gaming, the torture mission in GTA V is something you’d never wish upon anyone. By the Book is a mission that has you torturing a poor sap by any means necessary. This involves tooth extraction (I feel the pain), electro shock, breaking knees and gasoline waterboarding. It’s safe to say that this wasn’t met with open arms with concerned parents and gamers and rightfully so, as the visuals are both shocking and painful to watch.
6 – Heavy Rain – The Lizard
Nobody would ever fathom going through and cutting off their own finger, but in Heavy Rain, you’ll have to sit there and do so as Ethan is given the ultimate task of removing one of his digits. The worst part is that you have different tools to choose from for this trial of self-mutilation thoughall offer a grotesque and uneasy way to cut off a limb. It is the screams of agony that make it all too real and nobody should ever have to go through this, but sadly for Ethan, the finger was pointing at him.
5 – God of War III – Helios’ Head
Kratos is a beat beating, God killing machine, so it is no surprise that he would find ways to brutalize his enemies, but the way he goes about to rip Helios’ head in God of War III was pretty vicious, to say the least. An already broken and beaten God is lying helplessly on the ground and after Kratos goes about in hacking and slashing his way through some guards like mince meat, he goes to his defeated foe and starts ripping his head off. The God struggles for some time, but its not too long until Kratos delivers the final tug to get Helios’ head. I guess this brings new meaning to “Off with his head”.
4 – Resident Evil 4 – Chainsaw
The first moment I saw this game way back in 2005, I was petrified. A giant man eating fish? That’s fine. Plagued humans with giant parasites sticking out of their heads? Not a problem. An abomination chasing you around in tight corridors with no lights and crates falling into a bottomless black hole? Sure why not? A crazed doctor with a burlap bag on his head with a chainsaw at hand? Bye… Nothing was more terrifying than hearing that chainsaw buzz early on in the game, especially when dealing with a town full of crazed villagers and anybody who has played RE4 has experienced the fright and sheer horror that is the chainsaw. Erk!
3 – Dead Space 2 – Needle
I can’t even put eye contacts in my eyes without squirming, let alone go through watching the first scene of Star Trek: First Contact where Captain Picard is about to get a needle in the eye, so you can imagine how I feel about Dead Space 2‘s eye needle scene. Sure, you can go through it successfully and nothing really happens, but screw up and your eye… and the rest of your face is ripped off by a needle. There is something about touching eyeballs that sits well with me, and this scene made me put the controller down and stop playing Dead Space 2… for good.
(I was also very upset to see that many people post gifs as pictures in which I had to relive this horrific memory in search for a proper photo for this article)…
2 – Sniper Elite Franchise
The physical injuries are all showcased within the same perspective for each game on this list, but the Sniper Elite franchise goes out of its way to show you more. A perfectly placed shot will occur a brief cutscene that, depending which body part, will show the extent of the damage done to those who are caught in your crosshairs. This glorified kill cam will even go as far as to show a shot that is placed to a man’s nether region and after getting hit there a few times myself, I wouldn’t begin to imagine the pain suffered from a bullet to the crotch.
1 – Mortal Kombat – Kung Lao Razor’s Edge Fatality
The true Kings and Queens of pain. Honestly, this list could be done countless times with every Mortal Kombat fatality, but that would be far too easy and boring. Instead, we picked the worst (or best) fatality in the franchise with Kung Lao’s Razor’s Edge fatality in Mortal Kombat. Honestly, there wouldn’t be any worst way to go as you get sawed from the nether regions up to your head, which would make you feel every agonizing moment of this horrific fatality. There are some pretty gruesome fatalities in Mortal Kombat, but we wouldn’t wish this death upon anybody, even to anyone in the Mortal Kombat universe.
It is safe to say that many of these painful moments will never be experienced in real life and we hope nobody ever has to go through any of it. What cringe worthy and discomforting moments got you off the edge of your seat and made you feel the pain? Let us know what moment got you feel sore and stay tuned for more weekly Top 10’s right here at Link-Cable.